An Underlying Sense of Blah...

I am currently struggling with an underlying sense of blah-zi-blah...some days it boarders on despair, other days it feels like a little heart burn, still other days it spills out as a day of over or under eating, over-producing or under-producing...

I've noticed that all of these different "expressions" of the blah still seem to be the same blah.

It's uncomfortable, really.

I feel like I want to stuff it down and RUN AWAY.

It's like I'm constantly looking forward...waaaaay forward to see what will get me out of the discomfort.

Last night the theme my yoga teacher chose for class was courage & patience. We worked on the courage to root down and raise our hearts into deeper and deeper backbends.

We worked on the patience to allow our hearts time to open. Allowing time for the juiciness to flow into the little cracks created.

I'll admit... I was antsy.

I didn't have TIME for patience, but there was no where else to go in that 90 min class - so I stuck it out and asked myself, "as a little experimnent, how about trying to be WILLING to be patient?"

Oi....

And here I sit this morning - the blah is still be there, but that juice... that grace also seems to have creeped in.

What I want for us, what I want for myself is that willingness.
What I want for us is that unfolding.


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currently meditating on...
Practice and all is coming...Sri K. Pattabhi Jois (1915-2009)
If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer. Matthew 21:22 (NIV)

No More Setting Intentions...?? Reflections of a Yogini

I just realized the other day that I've been a yogini for 10 years.

From Wikipedia: Yogini (Sanskrit: योगिनी, yoginī, [ˈjoginiː]) is the feminine form containing the masculine yogi. Yoginis are female practitioners of yoga, the disciplined pursuit of transcendence and steadiness.

Besides maybe my student career as a competetive volleyball player, I'm not sure I know of anything else that I've been or done for that long.

In a recent class at Zenergy Yoga in North Scottsdale (www.ZenergyYoga.net), the instructor asked us to set an intention for our yoga practice that day.

I dutifully "looked within" to set my intention, and discovered my mind and body were blank...

If my "bodymind" had a face, it would have looked at me quizzically for even asking it to set an intention for my practice.

For a brief moment I panicked at being so "blank".

"But I'm supposed to have an intention!!" my mind wailed. "Do I even know what I'm doing here or how my practice will go if I don't have an intention?? Is there something amiss? Should I be worried that I have no intention to set?"

Inside the "blankness", underneath these whirling thoughts, a little "ah-ha!" came to me.

In the blank, what came was - "What are you talking about?! There's no intention to set, this is you. There's no where to go, nothing to strive for. This is all there is!"

I realized that Yoga is no longer something I'm supposed to do because it's good for me or something I do because it keeps me fit and strong, etc...(though all of that is true). Yoga is me, Yoga is an intrinsic part of me, it's indescribable. I can be in yoga, just as I am in my life.

In other words...no intention necessary.

I can't tell if I'm even explaining well what happened in that moment of "blank" when I was asked to set an intention.

Side note: For all you Intrinsic Coach(R) professionals out there using the Intrinsic Coaching(R) methodology and working with the I>E>S hierarchy, I had a realization afterwards that those initial, rapid-fire thoughts were a product of my E & S thinking...they were not anything to grab onto or "believe" as real. I could leave room for a second thought!

In the days of my yoga practice since...I am still "intention.less". Only now I'm not worried about it.

My practice is me.

My yoga is me.

Never in a million years could I have imagined this for myself, but I am so grateful.

Namaste.